Field Trip: Laker Girls!

Last Friday, I escaped the office at the usual time and made a beeline for my car. Once I was belted in, I checked my phone, and there was a text from Linette. She saved her tickets for me, she said. Can I come to the game? She wanted to know.

Hmm….well now, let me think about it.

First of all, Linette is awesome. So YEAH. I’m there.

Secondly, she’s offering me free stuff. So YEAH. I’m there.

Thirdly, the tickets are to a Laker Game. I’ve lived in LA for ten years and have never yet been to a Laker game. Time to cross that off the bucket list. So YEAH. I’m there.

And fourthly, Linette is a Laker Girl. And I know how hard she worked to get on that team, and I cannot wait to see her on the court. So YEAH. I’m there. Woot!

I’ve been dithering about going to a Laker Game for the longest. It seems like every year, more and more of mah girlz get selected for the Lakers. (What can I say, my peeps are talented.) Let’s see… there was Jessica, Ashley R., and Michelle in 2008. Brilane in 2009. Melissa in 2010. And last year Linette, Anncell, Jenn, Jacquelyn, and Teresa (my little elf girl) made the cut. I hadn’t ever seen any of them do their Laker Girl thing. It was getting to be ridiculous.

Wait, did I forget someone? I feel like I left somebody out.

I hadn’t been to a game yet, because every time I think about it, I get stressed out. Those tickets are expensive! And I don’t know where to sit! What if I made the wrong choice? And they don’t let decent cameras in! And what if I go, and I try to smuggle in my good camera, but then I get caught, and I find out I bought the worst tickets in the house, and I can’t see anything at all, and anyway I had to use my crappy point –and-shoot camera, and I have no decent photos to show for it, and I fall into a deep depression, which triggers a debilitating drug habit and next thing I know I’m strung out in a cardboard box under an overpass.

What? It could happen.

God Bless you Linette, for taking the problem out of my hands. (And I know good and well every friend and relative she had called dibs on her tickets the day she made the team, so it was extraordinarily nice of her to think of me. Either that, or she’s bribing me to keep my trap shut about the time she forgot to bring one of her boots to a game and cried her little eyeballs out in the locker room because she let her teammates down. The team has this crazy policy – if you’re going to dance in boots, you have to wear both of them. )

I was going to a game. I accepted that I’d have to make do with a crappy camera, but I was determined to smuggle in my flip camera. (I have a trick for that. What I do is bring a relatively small hand bag, and pack it tight full of stuff. Security isn’t going to work all that hard to look through your bag if it looks like it would take a crow bar to get anything out of it.)

I got to the Staples Center about an hour before the game. This is the first time I’d been to an NBA game and sat through the whole thing in the audience like regular people. I’m usually down there on the court with my camera. (I don’t mean that in a snotty way. Like “Oh, I’m soooo important, I always have VIP access, aren’t I special?) My point is that sitting up in the 300s is also a fun experience, but in a different way. When you’re up close, it’s easy lose a little perspective. Seeing all the people and feeling all the energy really reminded me of the BIGNESS of it all. My God, would you look at all these people?

I zoned out for a little while and pondered that. This league is big business. Heck, if everyone in the room paid $25 to park, like I did, that was a whole lotta money. No wonder Kobe is a baller…

12:30 pm – Show Time.
The Jumbotron lit up, showing the Lakers in the tunnel, getting ready to take the court. Everyone cheered. Then there was a video all about the Lakers legacy. Lots of historical footage. I wasn’t paying much attention, but I knew it was old stuff because the Lakers were wearing yellow hot pants.

My eyes were darting from one corner of the arena to another. Which entrance would the Laker Girls use? And where were they already? I planned to keep my beady little eyeballs locked on the Laker Girls from start to finish. I had no idea what to expect, but this is LA, the home of show biz, and this is the Lakers. For all I knew, the Laker Girls would pop up out of the floor. Or descend from the rafters, waving sparklers and singing “God Bless America.” Whatever happened, I wasn’t going to miss a second of it. If they would just GET HERE already.

A giant column of white fabric came down from the ceiling, surrounding the jumbotron and falling all the way to the court. I thought it was going to be a magic trick. Like that time David Copperfield made an elephant disappear. Alas, there was no magic whatsoever. The fabric served as a screen, upon which were projected various scenes of Laker awesomeness. Then the music got loud and the fabric fell to the ground with a big whoosh. And finally, there were the Laker Girls, hustling the massive heap of fabric off the court. I have to say, their entrance was somewhat lacking in drama. Not even one sparkler. Oh well, the afternoon was young. Maybe they’d fire one of the dancers out of a cannon or something a little later.

12:42 pm – The National Anthem, sung by an extremely talented 17 year old. Rochelle something.

The Hornets were introduced, to half-hearted booing. The Lakers were introduced, to the opposite of booing. The Laker Girls danced around for a bit to pump up the crowd, and then took their positions behind the baselines. The Laker Girls are a big team, by NBA standards, so that’s a lot of girls in a small area on either end of the court. If I recall correctly, there are 22 on the squad, with 18 performing on any given night.

(Side note: Kris Jenner has ruined whatever affection I ever had for this song.)

It wasn’t until the girls sat down that I was able to begin figuring out who was who. I recognized Linette’s hair right away. She was on my side, 3rd from the end.

I squinted across the way and was able to make out Anncell and Melissa. And wait a second….is that Jenn? That looks like Jenn. I thought she wasn’t going to be here tonight. Maybe that’s Veronica.

I started to get a little antsy. I wanted to see what was going on down there. If I were invisible, I would just go right down there and park myself on the #10.

That spot should be mine. And one day it will be. Mwahahahaha….

I couldn’t help but wish – for the hundredth time – that the Laker Girls had a photographer. I’m not saying it should be me. (Although it could be me. God knows I work for free.) That’s how I got involved with this website. I’m nosy. I wanted to see what really goes on with the dancers. Nobody on the internet was showing that, and so James and I are doing it ourselves.

But I digress.

One thing I’ve learned about the Lakers over the past year is that it’s allllll about the team and the game and winning. That is as it should be. But couldn’t it be a tiny bit more about the Laker Girls too? Why isn’t anyone taking photos of them? Someone like me, who just wants to take some photos of the Laker Girls, and doesn’t give a crap about whatever Beckham and Bieber are doing behind them.

But enough whining. Been there, done that. Hasn’t made a dime’s worth of difference.

I snapped out of my funk when the first time out was called and the Laker Girls took the court. It occurred to me that if I had been invisible, and sitting on the #10, I would have been badly trampled by nine pairs of very white sneakers. Maybe the 300s are better. Safer anyway.

Ok yes, the photos are blurry. Live with it.
As I said earlier, with distance comes perspective. It also comes with blurry photos.
Life is full of these little trade-offs.

Look at ‘em go! WORK IT LINETTE, WORK IT!

After the dance, the girls went back to the baseline. I texted Linette. Something along the lines of WOOOOOO!

During the next time out, the Laker Girls disappeared into the tunnel. I started to notice more of what was going on around me.

A guy in front of me had a real camera. What the skippy? I bet he smuggled it in on his kid. My dad used to do that with me and my sister at the Redskins games. (Except he had us sneak in his beers and snacks, not camera equipment. Nobody expects an eight year old to have an entire six pack of Heineken stashed inside her winter coat.)

Don’t judge, people. Those were different times.

Barely into the first quarter and a guy two rows behind me already had enough of a buzz on to trigger delusions of grandeur. HE was controlling the game. If he timed it correctly, and yelled “YOU SUCK” at precisely the right moment, whichever Hornet had the ball at that moment would freeze up and miss the shot. When he wasn’t yelling YOU SUCK, he was busy shouting instructions to the Lakers, who were behind by a few points and obviously needed his assistance.

1:03 pm – End of the first period.
The Laker Girls reappeared, wearing black sponsor t-shirts.

There’s Melissa! And there’s Brilane! That’s Anncell shaking her booty! (Hold on girlfriend. Pace yourself.) There’s Jac! And Linette! (Sigh, I wish all of mah gurlz were on duty tonight.)

It’s weird. I think I might be a tiny bit starstruck. It must be that distance thing again. I have to remind myself that I’ve seen many of these girls in various dressing rooms, with no makeup and their hair up in curlers. I’ve seen them sweating their butts off in rehearsal. Take away the eyelashes and the booty shorts, and they’re just regular folks like you and me.

How cute are those little Stila Laker Girls?

So so proud of these girls.

I texted Linette again. And then it occurred to me that she was a little busy and probably was not checking her messages while sitting out there on the court. And perhaps she doesn’t need to hear from me every time she busts a move.

1:08 pm – LGs disappear briefly to exchange their little black t-shirts for some other little black t-shirts.

YOUSUCK is starting to work on my nerves.

1:12 pm – A few of the Laker Girls pop up from behind the baseline to help out with a little free throw contest. The guy could’ve won $5,000, but sadly did not.

1:18 pm – Time out. The Laker Girls are back on the court. I didn’t realize they danced so much during the game.

1:21 pm – The Laker Girls are back behind the baseline. They get up, they sit down, they get up, they sit down. “This is just like Mass,” my uncle would say.

I’m so busy with my notebook, camera, flip cam, and phone, I don’t even know who is winning.

1:24 pm – Time out. Will they or won’t they?
The Laker Girls stay put. So I guess “won’t” is the answer to that question.

1:31 pm – Second period is over. I’m on the edge of my seat. It’s haftime. I figure if they’re ever going to shoot a Laker Girl out of a cannon, it’s going to be now.

1:34 pm – Time for another fan contest. I guess the cannon thing isn’t going to happen. I’m a little disappointed.

The Laker Girls help out with contest, and then disappear into the tunnel.

1:43 pm – They’re back. This time, they’re in their Carl’s Jr. Gear. Carl’s Jr. gets them new outfits every year. These ones are cute, but I really liked the ones they had before. The ones with the stars on the belt.

Meanwhile, up on the Jumbotron, Jessica reminds us that there is NO FIGHTING ALLOWED.

Then Melissa lets us all know that if you try to run out on the court or disrupt the game, they’ll boot you out of there and throw your rowdy behind in jail.

(Maybe that’s not exactly how she said it.)

1:46 pm – 3rd period begins. Some dude is sitting on #10. I am a little resentful.

1:58 pm – It’s time for another Laker Girl performance!

PS: if you think it’s easy to do video and photos simultaneously, you are very much mistaken.

2:03 pm –Time out again. This one is only 20 seconds, so the girls pop up, dance a bit, and sit again.

I always wonder who feels more awkward in this situation, the girls themselves, or the people sitting approximately 6 inches behind them.

The press loves to publish photos of male celebrities looking at the junk in the collective Laker Girl trunk, but honestly, what are guys supposed to do? It’s pretty much unavoidable.

And what about the LGs? Eventually they have to turn around and face the audience. I can only imagine that’s like ten times worse. I mean, when you’re that close to another human being, it’s kind of rude not to speak, isn’t it? I’d be all “So…can you believe this weather? Brrrr, it’s cold out!” Are you allowed to make eye contact with Christina Aguilera? Or are the LGs instructed to ignore the front row? Maybe it’s one of those unspoken things. Like pretending you’re alone in an elevator.

2:06 pm – Time out. The Girls head for the exit again. Must be time for another costume change.

2:12 pm – The third period is over. The score is 61 to 67. Laker fans are not happy about that. YOUSUCK in particular, is not happy about it. I know this because the man has not shut up since he got here.

2:15 pm – 4th period begins. The Laker Girls are back. And this time, they’re purple.

Huh. I guess Mr. Big Shot #10 has better things to do. Bastard.

2:22 pm – Time out. And time for another performance!

Too bad the game is almost over. I’m starting to get the hang of this.

The dancing is followed by more basketball. Kobe this, Pau that.

2:36 pm – Time out. Hit it, Laker Girls!

Now the Lakers are behind, 78 to 83. There’s lots of cussing going on a couple rows behind me.

2:43 pm – 20 seconds left in the game. Kobe scores a 3 pointer. Now the Lakers are up by 1. The fans can smell victory, like blood in the water, and they begin cheering like maniacs. The Laker Girls run out to pump up the crowd, although the crowd is pretty loud already.

2: 52 pm – 2.5 seconds left in the game.

One more two-pointer, and the game is over.

Lakers 88. Hornets 85. Not a peep out of YOUSUCK. He must’ve left early. Either that or he wore himself out and is taking a little nap. Aftar all, his work here was done.

Game over. And so soon?
I gotta say it, those Laker Girls are pretty rad.

I scurried out, anxious to get home and see if any of my photos turned out. (Which, obviously, they didn’t. Don’t judge me, okay? I did my best.)

I left the game with one main thought, well…two.
#1 I loves me some Linette. And not just because she gives me free stuff. I wish all of you could know her.
Then again, no I don’t. She doesn’t have much free time.

#2 Dangit, I miss the NBA. How typical of me not to realize it until the season is almost over. I want to go to more games and see more teams and how they all do things differently.
Fo’ sho’ I gotta get me to another Laker game. I know exactly where I want to sit, I’m bringing the GOOD camera, and I dare anyone to try and stand in my way.

Although, in retrospect, it probably isn’t that wise to publish my plans…