This one’s for the old-school Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Fans

Remember this?

“Here it cooooomes. Sunday afternoon FEEEEVAAAAAH!”

Thanks to the vigilant fans at the DCC Yahoo Group, word is out that you can now purchase both Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders made-for-tv movies on DVD. [click here]

Insert the usual disclaimer here: I’ve never purchased anything from this website, so I cannot speak to it’s legitimacy. But it’s only $32 for both movies, so if they take your money and run, it won’t take them much farther than across town.

I haven’t seen these movies in ten years or more, but I will give you the synopses, as I remember them. Keep in mind that although I love this kind of stuff, I am a card-carrying member of the UFPS (the United Federation of Professional Snarkers) and am duty-bound to represent the membership to the best of my ability.

Movie #1 first aired in January of 1979.

This movie is about aspiring DCCs going through the audition process and making it through to the first game. This is the movie with Jane Seymour and Lauren Tewes (Julie from “The Love Boat.”) There’s a million story lines here. There’s the reporter sent to write an expose on the team (that’s Jane), the former runaway who’s trying to put the past behind her and BE SOMEBODY (that’s Lauren), the shy housewife whose husband is way more into her making the team than she is (creeper!), and the aspiring starlette who wants to use the DCC as a stepping stone to Hollywood.

Guess which one doesn’t make the team?

The story also focuses on a veteran cheerleader who is all angsty about earning her spot back. If I recall correctly, she goes so far as to show up at the director’s office like “Oh ma gawd, I would just DIE if I don’t make the team again.” (Have some pride, woman!) And on top of that, she goes skulking around the stadium during the open call, to see “how many pretty ones there are.” She reeks of desperation.

Meanwhile she is being pursued by a guy who is trying out for the Cowboys football team. His best days are probably behind him, but he could make the team. And you know what will happen if he does. No
fraternization! Somebody’s getting the axe.

Most of the actresses in this movie couldn’t dance if were getting paid to do it. I mean that literally. They were getting paid to do it, and they could. Not. Dance. (Not as bad as Tina Yothers in the Laker Girls movie, but not much better than that either.) Jane Seymour had some classical ballet trainig, so she had some rhythm at least, but the others were a completely lost cause.) This is why there’s barely two seconds of any of them dancing with the group. But that’s part of what makes it fun. (Sidebar: did you know Jane Seymour’s birth nane was Joyce Penelope Willomena Frankenburger? No really. She changed it when she was in her late teens.)

The most famous cheerleaders from that era are all in the movie, and they do the heavy lifting when it comes to the choreography. I’m sure you’re all familiar with Tammy, the girl with the long blonde ponytails on either side of her head.

If I ever met Tammy in real life, I’d want to ask her if she regretted that ponytail thing. I mean, it made her instantly recognizable, but having worn my hair like that on many occasions as a child, I know she must have had couple of real sore spots on her head after those home games.

Thinking about this movie leads to an inevitable comparison with Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team. Makes me wonder when they started the training camp thing, because they for sure were not doing that in 1979. No boot camp, no swimsuit calendar, no jump splits, either. I wonder when they picked up those jump splits? I’m pretty sure that started with the Kilgore Rangerettes. Somewhere along the way, the DCC choreographer caught wind of that and was like “ok, we’re doing that now.”

Oops. Off topic again.

Movie #2 aired in January of 1980

It doesn’t have any famous people in it. I think they tried to get actresses who could actually dance this time. In this sequel, the Cheerleaders are in the midst of preparing for a big Super Bowl performance, when some famous character acter from that period shows up in a fake army uniform and says Uncle Sam needs to take the Cheerleaders on tour. Only he can’t take all of them, so they have to audition to see who goes. And by the way, they have to leave in a week. More Angst!

Tammy-with-the-ponytails takes the spotlight again because she SO wants to go on this trip to Japan and meet up with her brother who is stationed there. “Please, Mr. Important Army man, can’t we visit my brother? Pleeeeaaase?” (Maybe it was her boyfriend, not her brother. I don’t remember.)

She also appears in one scene sans-ponytails. I wonder if she had to negotiate for that?

Besides that, there is a sub plot involving cheerleader having an intense inner struggle about whether to go to med school or marry her man, quit cheerleading, or all of the above. Somethings like that. The
details are fuzzy. Alls I remember is her moms telling her to focus on her education, and Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome being all supportive and whatnot.

In addition to that, there’s another sub plot where a DCC who is a pediatric nurse by day struggles to stay emotionally distant from her young charges. An over-involved doctor pulls her aside to tell her that she needs to soften up a little. (Condescending jackass.) What he doesn’t understand is it isn’t that she doesn‘t care, it’s that she cares too much. (snort) That’s why she wears her professionalism like a suit of armor. (Or some crap like that). Eventually she – in a moment of spontaneity – promises one of her patients (Hannah, with the big sad eyes) that she’ll bring her teammates over to the hospital for a performance. When she gets around to checking with DCC Director, she is reminded that oh yeah, they’re busy with Super Bowl. And the trip to Japan, or wherever it is they’re going. So instead of going back to the hospital and telling the kids they’re out of luck, she gives her teammates a sob story and they volunteer to do the performance on their own time. (They don’t show the sob story part, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down. It probably started like this “OMG, y’all. I am so, so screwed…”) The movie ends with a rousing DCC performance at the hospital. Hannah with the Big Sad Eyes learns to smile again.

Meanwhile, Tammy is chosen for the Japan tour and her boyfriend/brother is assigned to the group as an official tour liaison. (How convenient) They didn’t show the trip to Japan. I think it was one of those
“everybody gets on the bus…and fade to black” situation. I can only assume everyone lived happily ever after.

I may have to buy these movies myself, if only to see how (in)accurate I was. And to marvel at those shorts. I bet those 1979 shorts look like culottes compared to the current DCC uniform. And I distinctly
remember one of the cheerleaders dancing in socks during the hospital performance. I’d like to know if I was right about that, or if I just made that up. Because if I made that up, probably a lot of this is made up.

For what it’s worth, I definitely did not make up the theme song. I remember that song like yesterday.
“Sunday! Here comes that fee-vah. Here comes that fee-vah that’s going around.
Sunday! And you’re a belie-ee-vah. You’re a belie-ee-vah in what’s going doooooown!”